why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
