and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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