they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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