My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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