He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
