Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
COCAINE IS GR8
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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