I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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