im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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