I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
