Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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