Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
