You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
