Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
