he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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