I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
