I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
