Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
