If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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