Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
