i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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