it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize