I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
