I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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