So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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