whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
