I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
