upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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