Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
