I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
