Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
