my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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