It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
