Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
this just has baby written all over it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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