sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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