I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
