he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
