my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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