I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
