I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
