Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
