Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
