i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
