O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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