I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
