we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
