watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
