i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He did a backflip because drugs
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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