Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
