I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
