I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
