smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
