but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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