Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
