I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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