This house was built for laser tag.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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