Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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