So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
