oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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