can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
sarcasm needs its own font
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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