im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
it's great music for shaving your balls
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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