I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
