could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he was CRYING into my vagina
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
