Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
