Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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