Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This house was built for laser tag.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
