Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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