I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize