Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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