Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
