You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My dick has a subreddit
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
