It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
