I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
