I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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