and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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