When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize