The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
