I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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