I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
