I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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