hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
