i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is Oprah even human
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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