Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
