Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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