I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
