I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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