Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I supernannyed him into submission
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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