So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
