google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
