I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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