im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
