Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
