and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
