dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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