I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
