My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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