Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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