Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
