I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
