A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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