I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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